If you read my blog, you know that George and I just had our first wedding anniversary, and logically, the next step is to have a baby. Everyone, and I do mean everyone (at least that is what it feels like) is asking me, "When are you going to have a baby?"
|The face I make when people ask me this question|
I'm a planner. I like things to happen when I'm ready, when I'm expecting them, and most importantly: my way. So, in my natural planning nature, I thought that this would be the time that George and I would seriously start to think about having kids. I have had this date in my head- an imaginary note on the calendar in my brain, that this is the time get preggers. As this "date" approached, I got more and more uneasy. Like, "WTF are you doing, Emily?" uneasy.
Now, don't get me wrong. I am SO excited to have a baby. Having a little, tiny George and Emily hybrid is going to be great. I'm just not ready right now.
The biggest reason that I'm not ready is our living situation. I want to be settled and secure in my new job before a junior George comes along. George will be working in Peoria while I'm wrapping up things in Indy. Doing a long distance thing is going to stink, and doing it pregnant would be ten times worse.
I have some goals that I want to complete. I'm just now getting into running, and to be honest, I'm having a wonderful time being selfish. George and I do whatever we want, whenever we want. If we decide that we want to get sushi for dinner, it takes us about 5 minutes to be out the door and on our way. No babysitter, no planning, just spontaneity. If I need to run to Target, I'm already there in the time it would take to pack up the car. (Besides, Target is my happy place... a screaming baby puts a serious damper on strolling through every aisle.)
We watch Orange is the New Black at noon on a Sunday. No Thomas, Doc McStuffins, or Mickey Mouse. We enjoy sleeping past 7:00 AM on the weekends, and driving two door sports cars.
I know that giving these things up doesn't even make a dent in the happiness that a child brings you. Waking up early doesn't matter when you see your baby's smiling face in the morning, and a car is just a car. I'm one hundred percent clear about this, but I feel like I want just a few more months to enjoy these things.
You may be asking yourself what George has to say about all of this. George is pretty laid back, and tells me that whatever happens, happens. He is looking forward to having a kid, but like me, would prefer for it to be when we are settled.
Now, I know everyone says, "You'll never be ready." But, is that really true? I feel like surely, there has to be a state that is "more ready" than I am now.
When did you know that you were ready to have a baby?